Pained Memories of Mello
by MattNote
Summary: Mello had not been himself for the last six months. It was because of the man in his dreams, the one who had ruined everything in his life. The only person who he lets in his mind now is the one of a kind Beyond Birthday. Mello and BB yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

"He's on the frits again." Roger stated with a grim nervousness. Watari and him were watching Beyond Birthday closely. The child resembled L without flaw-other than the red eyes-and had a great taste for mimicking those around him. Just the other day, he had been found in the main sitting room playing with robots and wearing a pair of black pj's. Right now he was mimicking the blond across from him; Miheal Kheel.

The blond was glaring and snapping off chocolate from his candy bar, eating it without looking away. BB would do the same. Mello was growing more and more frustrated. They had known each other for a total of forty eight hours now, and he was ready to punch the raven haired in front of him. The guy was totally off his rocker. Watari frowned at the two children on the other side of the window. The children were only ten. The ideal age for kids to be brought into the school. He didn't know if this new kid would be good or bad for the school, but he was willing to let it play out to find the answer. Roger, however, did not seem too thrilled by this. He was insisting Beyond Birthday be pulled out for another year. That would not be happening.

"He is an odd child. These past two day's, he's been acting strange like this. The only thing that makes him himself is the jam I made." Roger mused, running a hand through his hair.

"He's odd, but he is also exactly what we are looking for." The two men watched closely as the dark haired boy stood from his chair. The deep dark circles under his eyes made it look like he'd been awake for weeks, his bony body hardly visible under the black long sleeve and simple pants. The kid was looking at Mello like he was some kind of food. Mello calmly stood from the chair, throwing a hard toy at BB, the battle was on.

The blond lunged across the table, only to get caught mid-air. BB and him were fighting hand to hand now. Fair game. Until Mello took a jab to the stomach; then Matt, the red haired boy across the room, heard Mello's grunt and got into action. With a deafening war cry, he launched onto BB's back, tearing and hitting at the enemy with small fists. The three were indeed in a brawl until someone cried uncle. Roger let a curse escape his lips.

"Looks like the fun has begun. I'll get the nurse."

**SEVEN YEARS LATER…**

Mello jolted awake, screaming and gripping the bed sheets. He was covered with a cold sweat and shaking uncontrollably. This happened every night. He would go to sleep in a great mood and wake up screaming his lungs out like a child who just saw the boogie man. The blond let his hand run through the thick mass of hair. Totally drenched as always. He groaned, knowing what was coming next. Springing to his feet, not caring that he was naked, he made a sprint to the bathroom that connected to his room. His stomach lurched, giving up anything that was in his stomach.

Goodbye pot roast… He held the side of the toilet, letting his stomach tighten with agony as he squeezed his eyes shut. How many times had he repeated this process? Too many, that's how much. Mello waited until there was nothing but dry heaving to move away. He pressed his cheek against the cool white tile of the floor. In the other room, he could hear his door open and close. "Mello?"

"In here." Matt walked in, his face pulled into a tight frown. Mello wasn't embarrassed by being buck naked, Matt was his best friend. He'd seen him like this a lot. Matt cursed, grabbing a towel from the rack and putting it over Mello's tired form.

"Do you need anything? Water? Food?" Matt made sure to grab another towel for Mello to wipe off the sweat from his face. If Matt tried to do it himself, he'd be pushed away. Mello didn't want pity or help. He would tell everyone he was fine until they left him alone.

"B… I need to talk to BB." Mello struggled to sit up, his stomach lurching again. He was sure he'd throw up again.

"I'll go get him. Just try to relax, ok?" Matt rushed out of the room, leaving Mello on the floor. He let his heavy breathing fill the room, a arm wrapped tightly against his stomach. He was tired of doing this. Every time it happened, every morning he woke up, this was what he had to go through. It sickened him. No pun intended. The cold sweat just made him feel so clammy and over exerted. He grabbed the towel Matt had laid beside his head, wiping up the pool of sweat he could feel forming.

When it came down to it, he would rather be knocked out all day than deal with this.

"Mello, I'm here." Beyond walked in, his slender figure moving with the same strides L used. He knelt beside Mello's worn out figure, his hand smoothing back the damp blond locks. "It was the dreams again, wasn't it?"

He managed a weak nod, letting BB pull him to a sitting position. "It was just as bad as it always is. God, B, why won't they stop?"

"Just give it time." Beyond held the blond to his chest, murmuring assuring words in his ear. He had given it time. Since the first day, he had tried giving it time. That was five months ago. Now, he wanted them gone. That man he had met all those months ago had made this happen, he had made it so Mello had no choice but to dream of such crude images. That man was the reason he feared so much and loved so little.

He was tired of giving it time. It was time to stop the scenes from playing in his head anymore. Mello tightened the towel around himself, stumbling to his feet. When he realized it wouldn't do any good to try, he sat on the toilet seat, lid down. His head was killing him.

BB went to the cabinet, pulling out three Tylenol. Two was never enough anymore. Mello swallowed them with a lopsided smile. He managed to make his dry throat say, "Shower." B helped him. First starting the water and testing the steaming liquid with his hand. After showing his satisfaction, he pulled Mello to his feet, steering him into the mist. The water felt magnificent. But he knew he still needed the help, as much as it pissed him off.

"Too hot?" _God, no_. The water temp was perfect. Mello let his mouth open, water pouring in. The best feeling in the world. BB was right behind him, his loose sweat pants clinging to the lean muscles of his legs while the sleep shirt he often wore outlined his body with a tight hug. He held Mello around the waist with one arm while his other hand went for the soap. Mello let his head fall back on the shoulder he often leaned on, letting the soap get lathered over him.

"Why do you always come to my rescue?" Mello let his eyes look over the raven haired boy beside him. At the age of seventeen, BB could have been taken more of an early twenty year old. BB chuckled, lowering his mouth to the blonds ear.

"I come because you call. For you, Mello, I will keep rescuing you." BB let his mouth mold to Mello's. The blonds body responded instantly, his arms wrapping around B's broad shoulders. The two let their mouths and tongues work in sync to the others. Like a dance with a steady beat. Mello was pressed against the wall, his hands pushing the other man's shirt off. He was tired of barriers standing between them today. He shed the clothes in record time, his fingers tangling in the black hair.

BB moaned, grabbing under Mello's leg and lifting. The leg was hooked over his hip, held in place by B while their bodies joined. Mello groaned, pulling at the thick black hair in his hands. They had done this a hundred times before, and it never got old.

They let the steam fill the room until it was impossible to see through. Their love making was always good, and it let him forget about the dreams. Just for a little while…

**A/N- This story is by request of my close friend. She wanted MelloxBB. So I gave it. Here it is. Next chapter will hopefully be out soon. IF SHE EVER UPDATES FOR ME!!! Just joking! Lol, Anyways, tell me what you think. **


	2. Chapter 2

Mello exhaled his heavy breath he had been carrying since he stepped from his room. Now as he reached the top of the stair case, he wished he had just stayed there. He wasn't all that hungry for breakfast anyways. But BB told him to, it will make him better. Yeah right. He just went o please him now.

At the dinning hall, Mello slid in across from Matt, a smile on his face. The red head already had a second breakfast in front of him; two bowls of corn flakes, two banana halves, two cups of juice and two small plates of berry cobbler. He was always ready for Mello. "Hey, Jeevas."

"Are you drunk again?" Matt was watching him with tired eyes. Mello had often told him it was from too much to drink, that was the reasons for his morning sickness.

"Not anymore, Matty." Mello grabbed the corn flakes, pouring way too much sugar, and jabbed in his spoon.

"You have to stop, before Roger or Watari start getting suspicious." Matt did not touch his food; simply starred at it. "I can't keep watching you wake up like that and then do it all over again."

"I'm not killing myself, so don't make it sound like I am."

"You are killing yourself. Every time you wake up like that, because of-" _the dreams_-"alcohol, it's killing you." If only he knew.

_I'm already dead._ Mello had often thought of himself as more than dead since the tragedy six months ago.

Mello ate everything in front of him in record time, pushing the empty plate away. He stayed focused on the things around him instead of the person talking. Matt knew nothing about why he woke up like that, he knew nothing about him at all. He let his thoughts drift to this morning. How BB had taken all the pain away and replaced it with pleasure. The way his hands had gone over Mello's body with such tenderness. He was ready to do it all over again.

"Are you listening?!" Matt stood, putting his hands on his hips. The guy was practically bursting a blood cell in his forehead.

"I'm sorry, what?" He looked up at the redhead with a innocent stare.

"I knew it! You never listen!"

"Never listen to what?" BB came strolling in, his damp hair still dripping a few water drops. He was in a clean black shirt, faded jeans and no shoes or socks. Mello frowned, shaking his head. Matt just sat back down, glaring.

"Mello, he never listens to me. I try to tell him not to drink his life away, but in the end I never get listened to." Beyond Birthday was laughing like he always did, addressing Matt by turning to him when talking. All while playing with Mello's foot with his. He really had a way with things.

"I was thinking we could go out to the Mall." BB stated with a smile. "The three of us, and Near too if he wa-"

"Not that freak, _please_." Mello groaned.

Matt grinned. "Then just us. We'll all go and hang."

"Sounds good. I'll get Roger to take us and then we can ditch and go around on our own." BB licked his lips, rubbing at his eyes. "I want to go tonight."

"Ok." The three of them stood, leaving the room in unison and then splitting up. They would meet back up later. Mello needed to find something to do until then.

Roger drove them to the mall after dinner, since the mall closed at midnight, they still had six hours. BB had led the way until they got the signal to split. Roger was not able to keep track of them. They met up shortly after that, at JC Penny's. The three moved casually down the walk ways, going through each store that caught interest. Once they got to Gamers, Matt was paralyzed. They would not be able to get him out without a fight. He instantly moved to the video games section, practically drooling by the sight of everything he wanted. Mello and BB did not wait. They moved from the place without him.

Mello and BB stood at the railing of the ledge, looking down at any one who passed by. "How about the red head down there?"

"Too over dressed." Beyond pointed out. The girl did have a nice figure, but the two sweaters killed it for him. "What about the one over there by the fountain?"

Mello let his eyes fallow BB's, a frown forming his lips. Was she even wearing clothes? It looked like a line of lingerie they were marketing. The two of them shook their heads. Maybe a girl just was not their thing right now.

"Her." BB pointed to a small brunette sitting in the food court with a blond. "You take one and I will take the other."

"You think their single?"

"No boyfriends in site, I think it's safe to say yes." They watched for another two minutes to make sure they weren't with anyone. When it was obvious there was no one, they made their move. Mello and BB slid into the chairs across from the girls.

"These seats taken?" Beyond smiled with a nice boy like face.

"If we say yes, are you going to get the hint to leave?" The blond gave BB a piercing glare. Mello's breath caught. Damn, he knew this was not a good idea. He never went out to pick up girls and have a quickie. This was a bad idea.

"Why would you want to say that? We might have fun, you know." BB leaned in to the blond, saying, "I never disappoint." She seemed to be measuring him up with his words, eyes looking him over. Mello looked at the brunette. She smiled shyly, fingering a piece of hair.

"Oh, really? Then what are we doing still sitting here?" She stood, BB fallowing the gesture. He grinned, leading the four down the busy walk way. Mello tried making small talk to the small brunette who didn't seem too into this.

BB stopped in front of a employees only door. His lock picking skills took only a second before he had it open. His arm wound around the girl, his face full of mischief. "We're gonna split." He gave the girl in his arm a few teasing kisses, pulling her into the long hallway. Their giggles dying every few feet they went down the hall.

Mello looked back at the one who was still with him, he chewed at his lip, hoping BB would hurry. How long did sex with a stranger last anyways? The brunette shifted from foot to foot, sighing. "You're not that into me, are you?"

"I- That's not it at all."

"Then what are you waiting for?" She mumbled, looking away. What was he waiting for? He let out a low growl, pulling her down the corridor.

They found a small office a little ways out, the place had a couch they could use. Or a desk. Hell, for all Mello cared, they could use the floor. They settled for the couch. Mello was surprised with how much less shy the girl turned out to be. The moment he had sat down, she had latched her mouth to his. Mello was shocked to the point he just stood still for a minute. Then he got the ball rolling. They kept a rhythm of their own, moaning and gasping for air.

Through the whole thing, her hands over him, tongue exploring; he thought of BB. Was he enjoying the blond more than this mornings little game? He ground into her hips with his, sucking at the silky flesh that covered her throat. She let out a gasp, arching into him. He wondered if she ever had sex before this. "What's you're name?"

She lifted her head for a few seconds to look him in the eyes. They were clouded with lust. He wondered if his were too. "Lin. And yours?"

"Me- Uh, Mike." No way did he want her knowing his real name. If he ever saw her again, it wouldn't be like this. And he did not want his name coming from her lips. Mello felt himself hesitate as he pulled himself up. This was not going to happen. Not now, not today. Not ever.

Lin seemed to sense his hesitation, because she pushed him onto his back, straddling his hips with hers. She went for the buttons on his pants while connecting their mouths. Mello let it happen. He let her take his arousal from the tight confinement of his leathers, he let her do as she pleased. His palms met the sides of her hips, head thrown back as she rode him. He didn't know what he was doing with a girl he didn't even know.

Where was BB? The scenes from the shower played through his head. He could hear the moan escape his throat as his hips surged up to meet hers. He was picturing BB.

He would probably be enjoying himself with that blond, God only knows where. He looked over Lin's shoulder, glazed eyes looking to the clock. He wanted everything to stop. But he was frozen with this time. Seconds felt like minutes and minutes were starting to be hours.

The strangled scream cut everything. Mello jumped up, the girl shaking with startled fear. She curled onto the other end of the couch, eyes wide. "What is that?"

"It sounds like-" _A scream_. Mello zipped back up, cursing. BB? Could he have gotten hurt?! Mello broke out at a full run, going down the long hallway. Where the hell was he though? Mello threw open every door he came by, cursing when he never found the right one. He came to the end of the hall, jerking at the last door. Locked.

He pounded the wood furiously, yelling. "BB?!" He rammed against the door with his shoulder, screaming in frustration. The pain wasn't anything compared to the fear he had. "BB, open this door!" He made desperate attempts at kicking the door, but it was useless. He stepped back, breathed deeply and kicked the door right by the knob.

It gave way.

Mello spilled into the room, his fists ready for anything. What he saw before him made his blood run cold from shock. BB was standing to one side of the empty office, his face blank. The girl he had found interest in, on the floor with a lifeless look. She wasn't moving. The blood soaking into her hair made it all the more frightening.

"What…?" Mello searched BB's face for something, anything to explain what was going on.

"Her and I were fooling around, and she fell. She hit the desk with her head and-" BB's eyes widened. "I'm going to be in trouble."

"No, BB, it wasn't you're fault." Mello pulled him toward the door. "We have to get security."

"No! I'll get in trouble! Roger has been trying to get me in trouble for weeks and this is just perfect for him!"

"BB, we have to!" He pulled B down the hall, calling for help.

Soon, maybe twenty minutes, the security guards came. They kept BB and him away from the body until the police showed up. They took down the information, letting the two leave. Out in the hall, BB cracked a smile. "Weird day, huh?"

"B, a girl was just-" The footsteps made them turn, BB looked at the floor instantly. Roger was striding down the corridor with a pale face, Matt at his side.

"I'm in trouble." BB's shoulders sagged, a sigh escaping.

"Yes, yes you are." Roger came to a stop, his arms crossed.


	3. Chapter 3

They sat in the main office, awaiting what they knew would be consequences for the whole mall thing. BB sat in one chair in front of the desk, swinging his feet and scruffing up the carpet. Mello sat beside him and Matt, in the middle, his knee's bouncing with nervousness. Matt was smoking in the last chair, biting his lip whenever the stick was not in his mouth. The three of them had been sitting there for a hour without Watari or Roger coming in. No bathroom brakes, no food or water. It was confinement until they cracked.

"I don't care what happens, we don't tell them about the stuff." Matt looked at the other two, blowing a puff of smoke in their faces.

"What stuff?" Mello and BB asked in unison.

Matt glanced to the door, making sure they were still alone. "Mello's alcohol problem."

"For fucks sake, Jeevas!" Mello threw his hands into the air, standing from his seat. "I am so not going there again with you!"

"Mello, this could be what their doing! Roger and Watari could be searching our rooms right now, and if they see the alcohol, you could get in a lot of trouble!"

"They won't find anything in my room." Mello ground his teeth together. "I have nothing they can get me in trouble for."

"Both of you need to calm down. They might be listening." Beyond stood from his seat, moving to the bigger chair behind the desk. After propping himself into the leather chair, he began spinning. "Just calm down and we wont get in trouble."

Roger and Watari strode in with grim faces, both standing in the door way for a few moments to collect their thoughts. Matt cursed, sucked in a deep breath of smoke and looked to the floor. BB kept spinning, smiling widely at the thrill of a head rush; Mello leaned against the wall behind him. The two older men closed the door and moved deeper into the room.

"As you all know, there has been a tragedy tonight." Roger explained as he walked behind his desk. His massive hand stooped the chair while the other pulled BB out of the seat. Once he had his chair back, he sat, smiling. The smile seemed so out of place.

"The girl's family has been contacted and they are not pressing for a lawsuit." Watari propped himself against the wall opposite of Mello, his eyes focused on BB. "We want to know what happened."

"If they aren't pressing for further action, why are you?" BB frowned.

"Because it is our job to keep you three in line, and what I saw at that scene was not in line."

"She tripped, what else was there?" Matt looked down. "Can't we just let it go?"

"I'm afraid not, Mr. Jeevas. We need to know what happened in order to fully understand." Watari went over to the redhead, kneeling beside his chair. "What is troubling you?"

"I-" Matt looked to Mello for an answer. The blond shook his head slowly. He wouldn't be able to say this in front of Mello, he would hate him forever. But he had to. "Mello has an alcohol problem!"

The blond sputtered, staggering over his feet. "Matt! What the fuck?!"

"I'm trying to help you, Mello! All I have ever done is try to get you back in the right lane, but you avoid my advice like a plague!"

"Because you're nothing but an idiot! I told you it was nothing, because really, it's nothing!" Matt was tearing up, looking down at his hands.

"We're best friends. I was trying to help-"

"We are not best friends, Matt. We aren't even friends anymore! I can't stand the sight of you!" Mello glared with unforgiving eyes. "Stay out of my business, and my life."

"Matt-" Watari tried getting in a word, only to be pushed away. Matt had run from the room, his throat closed with the cries he was trying to hold in.

"That was uncalled for Mello." Roger frowned, twisting his pen in his hands.

"Shut up and get this over with."

"Are you drinking?"

"No."

"Can I go?" BB smiled, raising his hand.

"Sit, both of you." Once they were sat in the chairs in front of the desk, Roger stood. "BB, tell me what happened with the girl."

"We were fooling around in the room. You know, like everyone else does. And she tripped over the edge of the rug, hitting her head on the table. She didn't get up."

"You didn't do anything to make her trip?" Roger narrowed his eyes. As if that would help.

"Nope. She did it all by herself." BB gave his most innocent smile.

"You can go then. We'll talk more about it later." Once the door closed behind BB, the two men looked at Mello.

"What's going on between you and Matt?"

"Nothing." Mello crossed his arms over his broad chest, looking Roger in the eye.

"And you aren't drinking like he said?"

"No. He's just being stupid."

Watari made the question this time, his old eyes growing tired with lies. "Perhaps I should go talk to Matt and find out exactly what is going on?"

"No. I don't want you talking to him." Mello stood. "I just want to go up to my room."

"Sit down."

"Fuck off, Roger."

"_Sit down, Mr. Kheel."_ His sharp tone made Mello sit instantly. The old man came around the desk, looking him in the eye the whole time. "You are going to tell me what is going on, or you will not leave this office."

"You can't keep me here. I know my rights."

Roger towered over him, forcing Mello to hit his back into the seat. The older man let the fierceness in his eyes show. "You're rights were taken the moment you came to live here. We control you now and if you do not start behaving like the model citizen we are training you to be, you will face serious consequences. Do you understand me, son?"

Mello nodded slowly, looking away.

"What, I ask, is going on."

"It's… These dreams I keep having. They get me worked up. Matt doesn't know; he assumes it's me being wasted. I let him think that, so I don't have to admit the truth." Mello felt part of the weight get lifted. This was the first time someone other than BB knew about the dreams. "It's about what happened six months ago…"

Matt stormed to his room, choking back everything he was about to spill. His tears, screams… everything. How could Mello have said such horrible things to him? Matt slammed his door, locking it instantly. He fisted his hands in his hair, tugging at the locks of red. He screamed until his throat was begging for water. Screamed until he was out of energy. He threw the goggles he always wore into his bedside table, knocking over the lamp. He hated Mello.

'_We are not best friends, Matt. We aren't even friends anymore! I can't stand the sight of you!'_

He groaned into the flesh on his palms, tears soaking his shaggy hair and skin. He couldn't believe he had actually told Roger and Watari. Why was he so stupid?! So what if Mello wanted to wake up throwing up because he had a drinking problem? It wasn't Matt's problem. He stood, going to the bathroom. His stomach hurt from all the stress he was dealing out, his head on the brink of a migraine. Taking three Aspirin, he went to his bed.

The clothes he wore got thrown to the floor, smokes put on the table. He closed the blinds, turned off his phone and clock and got into the bed. The covers were cold at first against his naked body, but he soon adjusted. Matt lay there with his aching chest beating too fast.

Until a knock at the door stirred him.

"Matt? Can I come in?" Mello. He was knocking on Matt's door. To tell him off again? Matt opened his mouth, prepared to make a snap, but nothing came out. It was too dry. Instead, he closed his eyes, trying to go to sleep.

"I know you're in there. I want to talk." There was a pause, Matt put the pillow over his head. "I wasn't thinking about what I was saying back there. Matt, please open the door."

Damn it! There was no way to get him out of his head. Not even long enough to doze off. "Matt, please. Just let me talk to you for a minute."

_Fuck you too, Mello_. He sat up, lighting up a cig. He rested his forearms on his knees, inhaling the nicotine. He knew BB was closer to Mello than he was, but more so to get this out come? He never would have figured.

"You know I'm just going to call you, right?" Go away. Go away. Go- "You turned off you're phone. Nice." Mello sounded like he was pressed against the door, and when Matt heard the light _thump_, he knew he was against the door. Mello could be heard shuffling away to his own room. Matt silently thanked whoever was out there. He stubbed the light out, putting the dead stick in the ashtray. He would fall asleep and act like this was just a bad dream. Yeah, a bad dream…

He curled into his blankets, in a ball. Then he let it loose and let the tears come without end.

BB came into Mello's room. He knew the guy would be beating himself up for what he had said, but when he got there, his lips spread into a smile. "I brought you ice cream."

"I don't want ice cream, B." Mello was… cleaning? The clothes that had littered the floor were now either in a basket for washing or in the drawer. The garbage had been put in the trash basket and his bed had been made. He was a angry cleaner.

"Nonsense. It's strawberry. You like this kind." BB got down on the floor beside him, scooping up a spoon full. "Open wide."

"No. Those things I said… it killed him. He wont let me tell him I'm sorry." Mello glanced at the one beside him, looking his face for a answer. "I was such a jerk to him."

"He'll get over it, Jelly-Bean." BB took Mello's chin between his thumb and index finger, mouth molding to his. "You can't beat yourself up over it."

Mello moaned, giving his part to the kiss. He wanted to get lost in this pleasure like he always did. But then BB moved his mouth away, leaning in to speak into Mello's ear. The breath that fanned against his cold skin was warm and sent shivers down his spine. Mello was about to protest about the loss of contact when BB spoke in a quiet whisper. "Too bad the female didn't workout in the end. I was hoping you and I could get some fun out of her." BB giggled, licking the shell around Mello's ear.

Mello's blood ran cold, blood seeping out of his face. It hadn't been an accident. Beyond had helped with that trip after all. He watched as BB skipped out of the room. It was not a accident, and BB had admitted to it.

Damn. This day was just full of surprises.


End file.
